We have all been there: as we grow in our roles, something along the way doesn’t go quite right, and then the HoD, the Chief Stew, the Captain or, worse, the boss wants to speak to you.
Your stomach sinks, a quick burst of heat runs through you, and in your head you’ve already jumped to the worst-case scenario, or you’re busy planning the perfect apology or the best possible explanation.
Or maybe it’s the end of season, there’s a feedback session scheduled for each crew member, and now it’s your turn. You sit down, engage, and then, sandwiched between the good, a slice of negative feedback is handed to you. It stings, and you weren’t prepared for it. Your first reaction is emotional. You feel annoyed, personally criticised and an overwhelming urge to explain yourself. And this is all perfectly human.
I wonder whether, in yachting, there’s a tendency among some of us to be people pleasers. Certainly, for those who recognise that trait in themselves, receiving negative feedback can feel particularly difficult.
We’re proud of what we do in service. We care deeply about getting things right, anticipating needs and delivering to a high standard. Perhaps that’s why being told we’ve got something wrong can sometimes hit harder than we expect, regardless of how many seasons we’ve worked.
But it really doesn’t have to. A mistake doesn’t make you any less capable, professional or good at what you do.
It’s a moment to learn, not a measure of your worth.
Handling negative feedback is a skill, not a personality trait, and it’s about learning that skill without letting it shake your confidence or leave you feeling resentful or attacked. Each of us will react differently, but there are ways to respond well and take in what you’re being told.
In the moment, the most helpful thing you can give yourself is a little breathing space. Take a beat, especially if you were caught off guard.
Where appropriate, acknowledge the feedback. There may well be something in it you can consider and work with next time.
Try to separate the feedback from the delivery: even if it’s badly delivered, it might still have a valid point.
- Is there something useful in what they’re saying?
- Is it based on fact or personal opinion?
- Is it constructive or simply critical?
- Does this person have sufficient knowledge of the situation to offer a fair perspective?
- Is this about my work, or am I interpreting it as a judgement of me?
Be careful about taking it straight to heart, as this is where many people get caught, and one negative comment can suddenly become:
- Maybe I’m not good enough.
- Perhaps I’ve got this completely wrong.
- What will other people think?
- Maybe I shouldn’t have put myself out there.
Old thinking: “They don’t like what I’ve done, so perhaps I’m not good enough.”
Healthier thinking: “They don’t like what I’ve done. What can I learn from that, and what do I actually think?”
Learning to respond calmly and professionally takes time and practice as you build a healthy relationship with criticism, and constructive criticism can really help you grow. Sometimes the feedback may not be something you agree with, and even then it’s worth knowing their viewpoint.
If the feedback feels vague, ask for examples or for the person giving the feedback to be more specific, which will help you understand. And if it becomes personal or inappropriate, it’s fine to gently steer the conversation back to your work.
Worth Holding On To
- Some feedback deserves more weight than others.
- You can accept feedback without accepting someone’s opinion of you.
- Your ability to learn from criticism is far more valuable than your ability to avoid it.
- You can be confident and still be wrong sometimes.
